we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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