That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
