Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
