I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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