how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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