I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
