so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
