Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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