:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I looked at my own cervix.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
