im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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