you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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