There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
