Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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