i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
