Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
