I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
