There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
