I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
