i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
