You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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