Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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