Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
