i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
