Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
