You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
