Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
