Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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