if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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