My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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