You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
