I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
