This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
