just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My balls are so social today.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
