please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
