ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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