Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
