so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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