Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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