It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
