NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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