I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
