Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
