i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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