best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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