Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
