My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
