Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
