dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i think i just lost a toe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
