I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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