six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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