I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
