Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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