if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
