her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A+ Viking dick
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
